| | Security: | | | Time: | 01:12 pm | | Current Mood: |  indescribable |
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| Friday May 13, 2005
So yeah tonight was a pretty good night. I guess. I got to talk to Alex online for awhile. He’s really tired though because he was up really late and then really earlier working on his project that was due today. Anyway I asked him earlier if he had thought about coming out here for the summer and he said that he had thought about it a little and my dad was like well that doesn’t sound like a yes to me and I was like I know its not a yes but it wasn’t a no either so he’s still thinking about it and I said he probably didn’t have a whole lot of time this week with finals and stuff. I told Brenda and she said to me she said I think he will come out here its no different from being there really and she said I’m sure we could find him a job that wouldn’t be as bad as an egg farm and she said that he would probably have a lot more fun out here. And I was like you really think he would come out here she was like yeah, he really seemed to like you a lot or what I could tell of she was like just be positive and don’t keep thinking about it and pray and I said I have been praying and trying not to think about it. However earlier after I got offline because of the storm I was thinking about this summer. Were probably going to get this other car that only has 81 thousand miles on it meaning we would have four cars this summer. So if he did come here he would have a car available to him which would be cool. And I was thinking about all the stuff we have planned to do this summer. We want to go camping and he said he would go camping with me :), we can go to the nice parks around here, the baseball games, go to Ann Arbor and the huge mall Great Lakes Crossing and were going to go to cedar point sometime and then back out to New York too. It’s like there was so much that I thought of, that we could do we always have bonfires in the summer here, go to Lake Michigan and up north where its really pretty in the summer, we could go to Canada one weekend and then there’s always a bunch of music and different festivals and things going on in Detroit all the time plus the thing on the 12th. We would have so much fun. I was think to myself I wonder though if we could find him a job that pays the same as his does out there but Brenda thinks we can because she said that they probably don’t pay a whole lot and I said I don’t know I’ve never worked at a place like that. Anyway since he just left for bed I guess I’ll probably get off and watch the basketball game or find something to do other then stay on here. I still kind of miss the I love you’s, I guess it’s just something new now that I’m not use to yet. I’m sure praying to god and hoping that Brenda’s right and he does come for the whole summer. That would be so awesome to have the whole summer together instead of just the week he was going to come out and then the week I was going to go out there with Brenda and my dad again.
It’s so weird that I never finished this entry last night but instead now I’m finishing it the next day. Oh well... It’s another crappy day out lots of rain and all dark and depressing. You know I never really realized this week that I was capable of missing someone so much that it makes me cry. I’ve only been like this once and it was last year right after the Piston’s won the Championship and I was happy that Justin’s team won because he had gotten me into liking them but it made me miss him because he was no longer here with us but I never really felt this constant longing that I have this week. I don’t know if it’s the weather right now that’s doing it probably I don’t know maybe its because I know his done with school and going home later today. Whatever it is... I miss him so much its actually unbelievable to me. I never thought I could miss or love someone this much. I mean I know after my first long relationship and all the hurt I never thought I would be capable of those feelings again let alone a lot stronger ones.
I really hope he comes for this summer!
Leslie | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 07:38 pm | | Current Mood: |  restless |
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| Last night was well how do I say it... It was weird but ended up pretty happy for me. I went to dance and I didn’t get into to much trouble about skipping Saturday. However before dance this black guy tried to pick up he was just talking as I was to my dance studio and then he was like your really hot baby. And then he was like were is your man at, you have a man right and I was like yeah I do and he was like oh. He wrote his phone number on a piece of paper and gave it to me and said here call me if you wanna hook up or something happens between your man. He was like black men are so much better then white men. I took the phone number because I didn’t want to get hurt so I took it and when in to my dance studio where I knew he would stop and there I tore the number up and threw it away. I didn’t get home from dance last night until late like 10:30 so I decided to call Alex. I didn’t really think he would pick up so I wasn’t to disappointed when he didn’t although I was kind of hoping he would. He called me back and we talked for a few minutes he said that he was still feeling sick so he was going to try and get some sleep and he said that he would email me tomorrow and then he said if he had time he would email me and it made me excited because he never sent me an emails anymore. Anyway he said he would talk to me tomorrow and then he said I love you and you wont believe how happy and relaxed I felt after he told me that he loved me because he didn’t really say it to much anymore. Anyway it’s past 7:30 and I’m online after having to do a bunch of stuff well I got on a little after 6 but he has an away message up saying that he’s at the lab and to either leave it or call him and he has his cell number up there but I figured I would just wait instead of call him. Hopeful he wont take forever but I know his one project is due tomorrow. Anyway I was talking to Brenda because I guess my dad said something to Brenda about us going out there he said that he thought it was a mistake because he didn’t want my heart broken and I was like my dad said that because he never really cared to much about my feelings or heart but Brenda told him that it’s a part of live, we will either work out or we wont and then she said to me she said but I think you will. And I was like will what and she said I think you and him will work out. I sure hope so. I really let myself love him, even more then I loved Andrew.
Anyway I need to study for another french test.
Leslie | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 06:23 pm | | Current Mood: |  missing him |
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| So yeah it’s kind of weird me starting a new live journal and abandoning my old one but I guess it’s time to get ride of it. I guess I’m not really the unwanted girl or almost girl although I think I will always feel like the almost girl. I’m kind of glad that you can’t delete these because who knows I may go back to my old one. Anyway I don’t really feel like telling to much about myself just want to get right into everything that’s going on in my mind right now. Honestly I think I could cry which is bad because yeah I know I am a girl but I hate to cry and I hate being so sensitive but I guess I just cant help it. I really wish I could learn not to though but I’m doing a pretty good job of holding them in tonight. Right now I am just so down, I miss Alex so much that it hurts pretty bad right now. I mean yeah I missed him after the first time I left but now I don’t know I miss him even more. I guess it’s pretty hard but I truly love him and it’s the first time since Andrew. And this love is so much better and I am so much happier with him, I honestly don’t think I was ever happy with Andrew just told myself I was. Anyway I asked Alex last night if he would want to come live with me in Michigan this summer and get a job here instead of being out there and I keep debating to myself whether or not I should ask him because I thought I knew he would say no because he’s had the job at the egg plant for three years and I didn’t know if he would really want to be with me all summer but I was really excited and happy when he said he would think about it because I wasn’t excepting that at all. I really hope he can come out here for the summer, I told my dad I would pay him because I’m getting a job too but my dad said that he would just see if he needed money he would ask me for some but he said he would probably be find because it would be like Devin was still living here but he said a hell of a lot better then Devin. We would have so much fun together this summer, there’s a lot to do, like going to parks, malls, movies, baseball games and concerts and so much... And then I was thinking you know if he really wanted to smoke weed over the summer I could get him some from either Taylor or Devin so he didn’t have to give that up. I really hope things work out for this summer because I really want to be able to be with him the whole summer and we would still go out to New York too like we had already planned. But it would be better to have the whole summer instead of just two weeks, cause he said he would probably come here in July before I asked him. Well anyway I should go, to do what I don’t know. Well actually I have a million things I should be doing that I’m not... Oh well....
You know I was just thinking that it's funny how I was with Andrew for three years and I've almost been with Alex for a year and last year it was a couple of months but in all honestly I love Alex way more then I ever loved Andrew. And with Alex I can tell he cares about me and he treats me good unlike Andrew. I really want things to work out for the summer. And if he gets to be here around the 12 of Aug. if he stays this summer I have a huge surprise...
Always,
Leslie | | comments: Leave a comment |
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